It is my last day today. Tomorrow, I leave for Scotland. I am so confused about my feelings. Recent events have shattered my existing beliefs into new more obscure ones. Would you be happy or annoyed by that?!
A little about myself –
I am a botanist with a master's in Pharma. Resulting - I study the potency of plants and their effects on the human brain. This knowledge in turn allows me to assume the accurate dosage given to patients of various needs. Most recently, I was offered a job- to help people overdosing or are highly intoxicated at concerts. It would be my job to provide first aid to those who couldn’t find the limit before rushing them to the hospital. This position offered a great opportunity. But before I could respond, I wanted to take my time out and figure out if this was what I wanted to do. I was seeking a place with spirituality, natural beauty, and deep interconnection between plants and humans - I came to India.
Destination-wise my trip went something like this - Delhi - Varanasi - Rajasthan - Mumbai - Goa - Gokarna - Kerala - Delhi. The most uncommon name on that list. Gokarna. According to my plan, I was not supposed to visit Gokarna. I was introduced to it. Now I am back here cause I had to make sure. I couldn't believe what I saw. Let me explain better since we are this far ahead.
I reached Goa on 28th November 2012. Goa is filled with travelers like myself looking for something. Dunno what, pretty sure I wont find a thing, but just there. Shared views and words with others. Imparted knowledge about some places and gained more from others. That's where I learned about Gokarna. A 3-hour train journey to a land of virgin beaches, plantations of hybrid plants just cultivated to pray to Lord Shiva, and the best part of it all - fewer tourists. In India, all those things are of great value. Moving on - I had to see it. I changed my dates and caught a train to Gokarna. The place was small, as I was expecting. I found a cottage by this beach - OM Beach. It was called so due to its geographic shape. I did find those plantations, I was allowed to choose my plants, and I was allowed to meditate with the priests, and pray to Lord Shiva. It touched me. The feeling of peace got to me. Being lost in prayers, chants and the vibe made my conscience float in reality. With all the chemistry going on in my brain, I'd often stroll at the beach at odd hours. One of those days while taking a walk around the beach, as usual. I came across two guys. I had a rather long conversation with them. They introduced themselves as Pi and Kaus. They were university boys visiting Gokarna after the term ended. We talked about trips, locations, lord shiva, food, Varanasi, Scotland, and the one that stayed with me was the purpose of life.
Kaus - have you figured out your purpose in life yet?
Me - yes (even though I was still looking for answers).
He looked at me, seeking more.
Me - I want to help people.
He looked away and smiled. It was calm. Too calm. As though Kaus got the exact answer he was looking for. Since we were on that topic, I asked if he knew. He said he didn't know, he said it depends. He wouldn't elaborate on that or add to it. Which was weird. All in all, it was a peaceful night. We walked up to the part which protruded out into the ocean with waters on both sides. There was a lifeguard’s chair that was seated high up. The stars met the horizon and a cool breeze sprayed ocean water into the air. After a while, I took off as I was leaving for Kerala the next day. Before leaving for the train station, I took a stroll down the beach. I stood there looking at the horizon, repeating the conversation from last night about one's purpose in life. Then it hit me. I stopped. I stared. Confused would be an understatement. I couldn't see it. I was distraught. I started talking to myself. I took a plunge in the water and swam. I swam up to the point where I was sitting last night. There wasn't any land, there wasn't any lifeguard chair. Just water. Saltwater.
I didn't want to make much of it. High tide, maybe?! I left for Kerala. That was my last destination before Scotland. This trip was an eye-opener as I got the chance to try different foods, and meet interesting people. UGH! People! Something about Kaus and Pi didn’t add up. That situation in Gokarna left me in a turbulent state of mind. I had to go back there. I kept retracing that night in my memory to make some sense of it. I cut my trip short in Kerala and went back to Gokarna. I wanted answers. I meditated on it for a while. I tried asking about the beach and if anyone else has had experiences in Gokarna. But people just smiled and asked me not to worry. They said - " try to absorb and accept whatever happened, cause Gokarna is the land of Shiva". When I found nothing, I thought I'd write about it. I am sitting here, at the beach, looking at the horizon. Tomorrow I'll be catching a series of flights to Scotland where I look forward to helping at the hospital and meeting my peers and family. We will sit around discussing my trip, the places I visited, Varanasi, Scotland, and the things that have changed. I don't wish to recreate the event anymore; I don't wish to know who they were and what exactly happened. Maybe it's better this way.
-Aron.
He rolled up the paper and put it in a glass bottle. Chucked it in the ocean. Left for Scotland. He joined the emergency crew, keeping his word of helping people. The bottle floats still. Somewhere. In the water, riding the waves. The same place where Kaus and Pi lost their lives due to overdosing and drowning in the high tide. The water surrounding them with no land in sight. Only water. Saltwater.